Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
