Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh god it's open bar.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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