I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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