My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at about main and main street
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
