and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
