My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
