You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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