I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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