i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
