duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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