shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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