Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
