oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
