Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dicks are not precious.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
