he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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