oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
