I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
