Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
