how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
