3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
