oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
