I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
