There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
