There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
