I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
