woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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