Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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