i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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