Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
