:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
