Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
