I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
