I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
