You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
