you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i love accidental penises.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize