Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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