You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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