Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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