we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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