you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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