Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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