Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
