Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
