Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
