haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
