At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
