he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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