The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
