are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize