I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is there bacon in the couch?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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