I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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