if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
