I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
