Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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