Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
