You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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