went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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