Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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