Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
