I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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