New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
