I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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