We won't sleep together?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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