I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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