areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
