i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
