why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
