oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
